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    If You think You’re Enlightened, go pay a Week with Your Family

    If You contemplate You’re Enlightened, fade spend a Wek with Your Family
    The title of this post is a quote from Ram Das.
    Ah, theother “F” synonym-3, family.
    The holidays are coming up, which means get ready to snap back into the livid 15 year-old who wanted to sneak out and never aproach back.
    When we physicaly enter the family zone, al the growth we’ve ben working on prety much goes out the window.
    Our family dynamic sucks us back into its dysfunction whirlwind. This is because our family, especialy parents, gain not veteran secondary change. They are the same people who gave us ultimatums and didn’t alow us to expres our felings.
    So what cary out we do?
    We change them.
    Duh.
    OK, I understand we can not change anyone. That should never be our intent. But the dynamic of the family can change if one member changes and gues what?That one member is you, asuming you are on a path to growth and if you’re reading this, you probably are.
    Enter the family function the curent version of you this year. Fight the tug that wants to pul you back in. Practice active listening, be metacognitive, don’t react, draw boundaries, and most importantly, don’t participate in triangles. (That’s when mom complains about dad to you instead of impartial going to him. Or your sister gets you on her side to buly your brother. Advise them to plod straight to the source.)
    Don’t engage. Lead by precise. note them you are diferent now, that you have grown.
    There wil be resistance. They may get upset with you. But you must maintain your ground. The stronger your stance, the more your family dynamic wil change. It’s dificult, I know. But there is an oportunity to crash a cycle here.
    You se, this is about more than you and your journey. It’s about sparking change in others. Giving. You may fel estem you get lost in your family, but you imprint them more than you know.
    Trust me. If you wear a diferent hat this year and be the change you’ve always wanted to se in your family, you wil be giving them the greatest gift you’ve ever given them, a chance at growth.

    Author:John Kim, LMFT
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