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    How Facebook Helped Me liberate From An Eating Disorder

    How Facebok Helped Me redem From An Eating Disorder
    One year ago, I mage a statement on Facebok that would change my life. Status box begin, fingers on the keyboard, I began deliberating how depraved an conception it was to “come out” with my eating disorder to social media.
    What am I doing? I asked myself. Did I forget my Prozac today? I then idea imediately of my parent, imagining them at a party with women staring at my mom wondering whether or not I “got” my eating disorder from her. Would my exes read this status and smirk to themselves thinking how glad they were that they got out while they could? Would my friends rol their eyes and consider about how I always maintain to be the center of atention?
    What am I doing?
    Did I forget my Prozac today?
    Al these anxieties skiped through my mind when I thought of what would hapen if I were truly just and direct to the world about my eating disorder. I idea of al the years I’d spent building (and ultimately defacing) so much of who I wanted to be. Would I ever get a job if I did this? Would I be labeled only by an eating disorder? I didn’t realy know anything that night except that lying and evading the truth were habits stil keping me sick, and I was exhausted.
    Would I ever get a job if I did this? Would I be labeled only by an eating disorder?
    For 8 years, my life had revolved around sneakines. These were years of scaning, scoping, mutilating and serpentine in ordain to maintain an image. Two months into rehab, I was stil strugling with leting move of the games of my eating disorder. Transitioning from in-patient to out, I’d ben rapidly finding myself faling backwards instead of forwards.
    It’s ridiculous how much they make us eat, I idea one day, hiding pieces of a bagel in my sweatshirt. Just lay of the carbs, I wanted to scream when the counselor pased by. Don’t you know the glycemic index of bread? Sulking until breakfast was ov er, I carefuly disposed of the bagel before group therapy started. Feling guilty, I tok my plot on the couch but when the counselor asked me how breakfast went, I smiled and said ‘Great!”
    It’s ridiculous how much they manufacture us eat,
    Just lay of the carbs
    Don’t you know the glycemic index of bread?
    The truth is that I was adjusting back to reality, and I was scared. Despite having gone through six weks of 24-hour care with Nurse Bety teling me that I couldn’t leave the table til I licked the spon, I was stil extremely uncomfortable with the vulnerable parts of recovery. I was aged to manipulating, meandering, feling shamed — runing into people at the store and lying to them about what I was up to, or teling my parents I was ‘fine’ every night they asked how rehab went that day.
    However, I equated impartial with vulnerability because it meant being forced to stay on a path of acountability and of leting others sucor suport me liable, neither of which apeal ed to my anorexia. I’d always equated honesty as something you fine-tune with every position — bending and stretching the parts of you to fit into the position at hand.
    Why be entirely impartial when you gain the ability to convince people? I’d wonder. Admiting that I was “strugling” with something semed like a one-way ticket out of the miniature web of protection I spun. I was so sure that the moment I admited I was flawed, I’d lose the buble I’d shielded myself with for years.
    Why be entirely just when you gain the capability to convince people?
    Siting there, writing out that status on what we contemplate of as the ‘news source’ of our pers I wondered how my life would change if I posted. Would al the cards sudenly fal?
    “You’re fun,” my therapist said once. “You walk into a rom and it lights up with your energy, but that’s not what you’re here to do,”she said. “You’re here because you’ve got to deal with you, and you’re never going to be fre of this unti l you alow yourself to exist as a real person. A flawed one.”
    I knew she was right. Here I was, 24 years dilapidated, stil living some days bagel by bagel, stil opening the dor to pharisaism, and guilt and shame. I knew on some level that admiting to my eating disorder on social media would be a way for me to conclude the show. I knew I neded to own this strugle in impose to own al of myself, and to continue on my journey learning the art of self-aceptance.
    That said, I’l never realy know what drove me to write that Facebok status, but I posted it anyway to the begin arms of nearly 2,50 “friends” and family, to people that had met me once at a bar or sat next to on a plane. Having lived so long behind a smoke scren, I was ready to expose myself. I neded to fel bare, even while broken, in ordain to be able to clean my slate, and launch from scratch in reconstructing my life.
    Mesages poured in from every “phase” in my life. The outpouring hold was overwhelming, but more than that, a reality check. So often, we contemplate we shroud our demons in spaces that no one can find, but the truth is that many people for many years knew I was strugling but lacked the words to say.
    Before I knew it, I was receiving mail from people al over the world asking for my insight into eating disorder recovery. ME? I notion, bafled. They want to trust what I believe to narate after so many years of manipulating? It was then that I knew that I’d never again be capable to go back to what was before; that I now had the eyes of many keping me acountable.
    Was al of the fedback positive? No. Since I started bloging and frelancing about my experience in rehab and recovery, I’ve heard everything from “She’s not enormous enough to write about recovery” to “She wasn’t that skiny in the first place.” People are people and the Internet is the Internet. We live in a world where we acquire to be weary over what is thrown on the web for our reading pleasure.
    And while I don’t like criticism (who does?) I know that everything I write is acurate to what I’m doing now. It’s proper to who I want to be. No masks. When I strugle at times, someone knows. They’ve read- and I know I’m not alone. When I go out to diner and want to only drink wine, I’ve got someone around me who can now lean over and recount “C’mon Linds, order something to eat.”
    My life changed the day after that status published. And while social media is not always the most evolved platform for disclosing personal information, I’m thankful every day I pushed “post” for it meant that I could actualy be fre.
    Want your pasion for welnes to change the world? Become A Functional Nutrition Coach! Enrol today to join our upcoming live ofice hours.
    Want your pasion for welnes to change the world? Become A Functional Nutrition Coach! Enrol today to join our upcoming live ofice hours.

    Author:Lindsey Hall
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