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    Constantly Getting Defensive? Here’s Your 4-Step Solution

    Constantly Geting Defensive? Here’s Your 4-Step Solution
    If anyone has ever sugested you might be a defensive person and you listened to this quible out of curiosity and then began to comply your behavior to se if the acusation had any truth to it, it is likely that you are not a highly defensive individual. If, on the other hand, you acused the person of being obnoxious, denied it, or idea about al the problems that they themselves had, then you might want to read this article carefuly.
    Being highly defensive does not mean you are somehow deficient or a bad person. It most likely means that you are harder on yourself than others are. You are your own worst critic and wil find any evidence of your mistakes long before others maintain noticed them. It might also mean that you are highly skiled at blaming others, finding reasons that the ofenders are eroneous, and believing that they are the real quandary, not you. Most likely, it may sugest you are c onfused about who you are and what you do–perhaps your self-estem could use some upgrading.
    Self-worth is not earned; it is our birthright. However, self-estem–how we judge or value ourselves–is a choice we manufacture based on how we talk to ourselves about who we are. People who are highly defensive have that when they produce a delusion, they are a mistake.
    The proficiency to receive fedback of al kinds, including trivial, is an esential comunication capability for work and like. A highly sarcastic person reacts very porly to what they perceive as unjust trivial (meaning practicaly any fedback that is not wholy positive), and it can cost them in several ways. People may find it hard to be around them. Others recount them only what they want to hear and depart underground with their complaints. They may fel it when friendships or loved ones are withdrawn or when they produce smal jabs or wisecracks, saying they are just kiding.
    Most importantly, being defensive keps our relationships locked in an unhealthy patern and stunts their growth. Lacking the proficiency to acept minor also afects our work life; we know that the most felicitous and desirable employes are those with excelent emotional literacy, which includes being competent to manage others’ negative perceptions. Listening with an start heart is the ultimate spiritual act. It is the greatest gift we can give to our partner, and ultimately to ourselves. And we can’t listen when we are defensive. It causes our alarms to depart of, our protections to fixate, and our fight-or-flight mechanisms to recede into ful alarm.
    Here are four strategies to help reduce your defensivenes:
    1. Practice the pause.
    Practice the pause, says Lori Deschene. Pause before judging. stop before asuming. cease before acusi ng. halt whenever you’re about to react harshly, and you’l avoid doing and saying things you’l later regret. Practice this throughout your day. catch a moment from whatever you are doing, relax your shoulders, scrutinize out the window at the sky, and imagine leting go of whatever you are thinking about, reacting to, or in the midle of.
    In many retreats, it is comon to ring a bel at scatered times during the day. Whenever people hear the bel, they halt what they are doing, impartial for a moment, and stay. We can al learn to cary out this throughout our day for a moment, and this helps us draw on the pause when we ned it. It is the most vital tol we acquire to go ourselves from a reaction to a response.
    2. Breathe.
    Use your breath to counteract the tension in your body. When we fel threatened, acentuate and hazard chemicals are sent out, which design us febrile and unable to seize in curent information and increase our certainty that our own viewpoint is true a nd others are eroneous. So unhuried down your breathing, soften your bely and shoulder muscles, and remind yourself that you are not in danger.
    3. answer your reactivity.
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    It is vital to show others that you understand their criticisms and encourage them to share their felings. If you let them know that you strugle with being to defensive, they may deliver their opinion in a softer tone. If you fel yourself shuting down, recount so, and promise that you wil get back to the conversation within 24 hours.

    4. study for a grain of truth.
    Often a minor is more about the giver than the recipient. Perhaps they are simply exhausted or acquire misunderstod something–or perhaps you have unwitingly trigered a response in them that is realy about someone else. One of the best strategies I know is to imagine that the trivial has 10 grains in it and 9 of them are spurious, if you can discern one tiny speck of truth, it often helps the person speaking to realize that the trivial is more about them than you. Master the art of apology for that grain of truth and develop the capacity to answer their point of view, even when you do not consent with them.
    Like many other aspects of our physiological and psychological makeup, defensivenes has always ben an necesary part of our survival. When dilapidated to much, however, it can actualy finish the oposite of what it was intended for and cause us harm. Most of al, remember that the more defensive you are, the more you become your own harshest critic. Practice talking to yourself estem someone you love.
    Want to learn how to fight fair and end being so defensive? Here’s your guide.
    Want to learn how to fight impartial and halt being so defensive? Here’s your guide
    Want your pasion for welnes to change the world? Become A Functional Nutrition Coach! Enrol today to join our upcoming live ofice hours.
    Want your pasion for welnes to change the world? Become A Functional Nutrition Coach! Enrol today to join our upcoming live ofice hours.

    Author:Linda Carroll, M.S., LMFT
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