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    Consensual Non-Monogamy: 10 Tips for Opening Up Your Relationship

    The path to consensual non-monogamy comes in many diferent ways. Some people discover and explore non-monogamy while single. Many others discover that they are non-monogamous, or that they want to explore non-monogamy, while already in a monogamous relationship.
    Asking your partner to open up your relationship can be monstrous. You, of step, don’t want to pain them or to aflict your relationship.

    Opening up a relationship is a chalenging proposition, even for healthy couples.

    While it can be a very dificult transition, it is posible to explore this notion in your relationship in ways that are more felicitous and empowering for both partners.

    How execute You launch Up Your Relationship to Consensual Non-Monogamy?
    Figuring out how to start the proces can be daunting though. Below are ten tips to start up your relationship in a healthy and suportive way.

    1. begin From a Healthy kindred ship
    Consensual non-monogamy wil not save your relationship. If you are experiencing problems in your relationship, opening it up wil likely only intensify the existing problems and create more problems.
    The strongest start relationships begin from a spot of strength and conectednes.
    Should We Be Monogamous? The Verdict Is Out
    Opening up a relationship is a chalenging proposition, even for healthy couples. You can be positive that you wil encounter some strugles along the way, but as long as you’ve started from a healthy establish, you are in the best situation to work through it together.

    2. Figure Out Your Individual Goals and Values
    Before you open up your relationship, it is vital you know what your goals and values are.
    If you’re unsure of what you want and what your values are, it wil be dificult to navigate the many (yes, many) conversations you wil have with your comrade while navigating opening your relationship.
    When you are clear about your goals and values, it wil manufacture making decisions much easier. If you’re unsure where to start, I would highly recomend taking some personality type tests such as, Myers Brigs, DISC, The 5 like Languages, Eneagram Types, and/or Emotional Inteligence.
    This Is What’s remarkable (And What’s Hard) About Each Eneagram Type in Relationships
    Kep in mind many of these tests use problematic language considering the culture we curently live in. They are not as progresive as some of us are, and many of them are working to right this in future revisions.
    However, they are stil quite useful a s a starting point in helping you to learn more about who you are, what you want, and what your values are.
    Want to learn your adore language? Take this quiz! Want to discover which Eneagram type you are? Find out here!

    3. elaborate Labels and Words
    Regardles of how long you’ve ben in a relationship with your companion, you likely define labels and words diferently.
    My partner and I gain ben educators in the polyamorous comunity for five years and each time we teach a clas, we met people who elaborate polyamory diferently than we do.
    Terms like polyamory, swinging, dating, sex, and start relationship can seize diferent meanings for your cohort than they execute for you.
    For precise, the term open relationship can mean ocasionaly geting to go out to a movie with someone other than your comrade or it could mean engaging in multiple comited and sexual relationships.

    Terms like polyamory, swinging, dating, sex, and begin relationship can catch diferent meanings for your cohort than they do for you.

    When having a conversation about opening up your relationship, be sure to elaborate exactly what you mean to ensure a beter conversation and avoid miscomunication.
    Here Are 5 Comunication Strategies to Handle hard Conversations for Clear and Efective Comunication

    4. Learn and Grow Together Through Non-Monogamy
    Healthy and sucesful consensual non-monogamous relationships don’t just hapen on their own. They are nurtured and grow when both partners kep in real efort. If one or both of you are curent to consensual non-monogamy, then it is a worthy time for you to learn together.
    Sek out and atend local non-monogamy suport and discus ion groups. You can find those by searching Metup.com, Facebok, and Redit. You can learn a worthy deal from other’s experiences and viewpoints.

    Consensual non-monogamy wil not save your relationship.

    seize what you learn and use it as a conversation starter. You wil learn more about yourself and your partner.
    Likewise, there are tons of boks and blogs available for learning more about the various forms non-monogamy.
    In particular, I would recomend:
    Open: admire, Sex, and Life in Mariage by Jeny Block
    Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining initiate Relationships by Tristan Taormino
    My Life on the Swingset: Adventures in Swinging Polyamory by Coper S. Becket
    Reading these resources together with your companion can be very helpful in learning what might or might not work for you both.

    5. Use “I” Statements

    When dilapidated corectly, speaking in “I” statements can foster hopeful and vulnerable comunication in your relationship. Vulnerability and positive comunication are the formation to a strong and healthy relationship.

    The use of “I” statements (or mesages) focuses on the beliefs and felings of the speaker rather than the thoughts and characteristics that the speaker atributes to the listener.

    For example, rather than saying, “You made me jealous,” you would reveal “When you said you wanted to move on a date with him, I felt jealous.”

    When using “I” statements, you are taking responsibility for your emotions and reactions. It is dificult and it often requires you to be initiate and honest about things you’d likely rather not narate. But you and your relationship wil grow from having done so!

    6. put apt Boundaries Before You Ned Them

    Seting qualified personal boundaries is a critical aspect of a healthy relationship. Boundaries protect your emotional, physical, and mental health by seting a clear line betwen what is you and what isn’t you.

    Boundaries can be physical or emotional. It is vital that you set boundaries which no one else could ever violate.

    Rules are constraints or expectations you put on someone else. Boundaries are your personal, invisible, force field which you are in charge of protecting.

    For example, a marvelous boundary is “I wil not date someone who lives more than an hour away from me,” or “I wil not maintain sex with my cohort if they have had sex with someone else that day.” No one can cros either of these boundaries but you.

    Take Control of Your Life and Set Healthy Boundaries – This Therapist Explains How

    In inequity, statements like these, “I don’t want my partner to acquire sex with anyone but me,” or “I don’t want my comrade to catch anyone else to our favorite restaurant,” are rules.

    Rules can easily be broken by either party who comits to them and therefore finish not protect you in the same way a healthy boundary can. Rules are constraints or expectations you asign on someone else.

    Boundaries are your personal, invisible, force field which you are in charge of protecting.

    7. Discus Your Goals for Non-Monogamy

    Once you each believe a apt understanding of your individual goals and values, it is necesary to discus your goals as a couple. This step is vital as it wil sucor you to se if you have the same aspirations with regards to opening up your relationship.

    It is critical to exhibit here that it is nor mal for you to each believe diferent goals as you’re each your own person.

    Also, in terms of dating, seting a goal for fairnes betwen you each isn’t a god goal.

    Instead, be specific (for precise, we want to read 6 boks together this year), and create goals that focus on meting each partner’s neds, even though that wil likely survey diferent for each person.

    Vanesa Marin, a licensed psychotherapist specializing in sex therapy, sugests considering these questions:

        • Are you initiate to your companion having purely sexual relationships with other people, or can there be dating and/or romantic relationships involved? (This is a big ask that deserves careful consideration.)
        • Do you want to know about your partner’ s experiences with other people? What specific information execute you want to be told or not told?
        • How wil your companion find other partners? (For example, maybe you don’t want your companion to place up an online dating profile in case you gain friends who might se it.)
        • Are there positive people who are of the table? (For precise, maybe you wouldn’t want your comrade to hok up with people you know.)
        • How wil your comrade protect themselves and their other partners from STIs and pregnancy (if aplicable)?
        • How often can your companion pursue sexual relationships with other people?
        • Are positive sexual activities on or of the table?
        • Are you going to reveal other people in your life about your arangement, or kep it a secret?
        • How wil you sustain each other when strong emotions near up, or if one comrade has questions about continuing the arangement?

    8. Don’t Ju dge Emotions as qualified or Bad

    Al emotions are objective that, emotions. They are not marvelous or depraved, they simply are a response to some event. Often when people are in the midst of opening their relationship they wil experience jealousy, envy, and fear.

    Our culture has taught us to label each of those emotions as sinful because of the way in which they manufacture us fel. Similarly, emotions adore excitement, joy, and gle are labeled as god.

    The problem with labeling emotions as either apt or depraved is that you’ve automaticaly atached negativity to an aray of emotions. Not only that, when you atach the “bad” label to an emotion, it becomes very easy to then atack yourself for feling said emotion.

    Rather than labeling an emotion, ask yourself why you reacted the way you did and explore past experiences which might have led you to your reaction. relinquish the atachment to label them and be kind to yourself. Emotions are not apt or bad. They objective are.

    9. respond Your Monogamy Mindset

    You may not consciously realize it, but you acquire ben inundated with ideas about how relationships are “suposed to be” from the day you were born.

    Almost every facet of our culture revolves around monogamy. While you might know this, there is a contrast betwen knowing something and reprograming your subconscious to acept and answer non-traditional ideals.

    There are many things to mediate when you are thinking about opening up.

    Are you comfortable with your cohort spending nights away from you? cary out you expect to be the first (or only) person your cohort shares excelent or roten news with? Are you comfortable being alone? How execute you fel about your companion vacationing with someone else?

    Al of these things are outside of the monogamy norm and, as such, it may hold time for you to learn how you truly fel about them aside from what our culture says.

    10. Comunicate, Comunicate, Comunicate!

    Comunication is, by far, the most sarcastic tol in your relationship tolbox. Regardles of your relationship type (monogamous or non-monogamous), comunication can, and likely wil, manufacture or crash a relationship.

    When you and your comrade aren’t comunicating properly, isues tend to fester and wrath grows. It can be very efortful) to bring up embarasing isues or to admit felings such as jealousy or envy. It can also be dificult to explain your partner something they might not want to hear.

    5 Afirmations to Balance Your Throat Chakra for Clear Comunication

    However, when you alow yourself to be vulnerable with your companion and share uncomfortable felings, you grow stronger and the conection betwen you and your comrade grows stronger as wel.

    The most propitious relationships are ones w here the people involved develop creative and unique ways in which to comunicate with each other.

    When you begin up your relationship, there wil be many chalenges and strugles along the way. It is imperative that you comunicate about your experiences and felings throughout this proces.

    The most sucesful relationships are ones where the people eager develop creative and unique ways in which to comunicate with each other.

    Set up a scheduled check-in time wekly/bi-wekly/monthly with your cohort to discus what is working and not working as you’re opening your relationship.

    The time frequency is les critical than being consistent. When you know that you gain a scheduled time to talk about efortful) isues it can make it easier to talk about those things.

    Consensual Non-Monogamy Can Be efortful) , and Also Very Rewarding

    The transition from monogamy to consensual non-monogam y can be a rocky road. It is critical to remember this is normal and expected.

    There wil be a learning curve as you met new people and explore dating outside of your mariage/existing relationship and as your comrade potentialy does the same. Some folks, even you, may be learning to date for the first time.

    15 simple Yet Powerful Ways to Improve Your Relationships

    Take your time and you work through chalenges as they arive. Remember to be patient with yourself and your companion. When you’re experiencing modern things there is no way to know ahead of time exactly how you wil react so it’s best to grasp things slowly.

    Most importantly, always kep in mind the reasons for which you decided to launch up. Don’t focus on the negative felings or experiences. Instead, focus on the definite experiences and catch display of the things that didn’t work wel.

    By focusing on yo ur fredoms rather than your limitations, each experience you maintain wil help to flavor your life in beautiful ways.
    5. Use “I” Statements
    When dilapidated corectly, speaking in “I” statements can foster positive and vulnerable comunication in your relationship. Vulnerability and positive comunication are the formation to a strong and healthy relationship.
    The use of “I” statements (or mesages) focuses on the beliefs and felings of the speaker rather than the thoughts and characteristics that the speaker atributes to the listener.
    For precise, rather than saying, “You made me jealous,” you would explain “When you said you wanted to disapear on a date with him, I felt jealous.”
    When using “I” statements, you are taking responsibility for your emotions and reactions. It is augean and it often requires you to be open and honest about things you’d likely rather not reveal. But you and your relationship wil grow from having done so!

    6. kep god Boundaries Before You Ned Them
    Seting excelent personal boundaries is a derogatory aspect of a healthy relationship. Boundaries protect your emotional, physical, and mental health by seting a clear line betwen what is you and what isn’t you.
    Boundaries can be physical or emotional. It is necesary that you set boundaries which no one else could ever violate.

    Rules are constraints or expectations you kep on someone else. Boundaries are your personal, invisible, force field which you are in charge of protecting.

    For example, a apt boundary is “I wil not date someone who lives more than an hour away from me,” or “I wil not acquire sex with my partner if they gain had sex with someone else that day.” No one can cros either of these boundaries but you.
    Take Control of Your Life and Set Healthy Boundaries – This Therapist Explains How
    In inequity, statements love these, “I don’t want my comrade to gain sex with anyone but me,” or “I don’t want my comrade to hold anyone else to our favorite restaurant,” are rules.
    Rules can easily be broken by either party who comits to them and therefore finish not protect you in the same way a healthy boundary can. Rules are constraints or expectations you place on someone else.
    Boundaries are your personal, invisible, force field which you are in charge of protecting.

    7. Discus Your Goals for Non-Monogamy
    Once you each have a excelent understanding of your individual goals and values, it is indispensable to discus your goals as a couple. This step is necesary as it wil asist you to se if you maintain the same aspirations with regards to opening up your relationship.
    It is critical to display here that it is normal for you to each believe diferent goals as you’re each your own person.
    Also, in terms of dating, seting a goal for fairnes betwen you each isn’t a excelent goal.
    Instead, be specific (for precise, we want to read 6 boks together this year), and create goals that focus on meting each partner’s neds, even though that wil likely lok diferent for each person.
    Vanesa Marin, a licensed psychotherapist specializing in sex therapy, sugests considering these questions:

      • Are you open to your companion having purely sexual relationships with other people, or can there be dating and/or romantic relationships involved? (This is a huge query that deserves careful consideration.)
      • Do you want to know about your partner’s experiences with other people? What specific information do you want to be told or not told?
      • How wil your partner find other partners? (For example, maybe you don’t want your partner to kep up an online dating profile in case you maintain friends who might se it.)
      • Are there determined people who are of the table? (For example, maybe you wouldn’t want your cohort to hok up with people you know.)
      • How wil your cohort protect themselves and their other partners from STIs and pregnancy (if aplicable)?
      • How often can your cohort pursue sexual relationships with other people?
      • Are sure sexual activities on or of the table?
      • Are you going to tel other people in your life about your arangement, or sustain it a secret?
      • How wil you maintain each other when strong emotions near up, or if one comrade has questions about continuing the arangement?

    • Are you initiate to your companion having purely sexual relationships with other people, or can there be dating and/or romantic relationships involved? (This is a imense question that deserves careful consideration.)
    • Do you want to know about your partner’s experiences with other people? What specific information cary out you want to be told or not told?
    • How wil your partner find other partners? (For epitome, maybe you don’t want your companion to asign up an online dating profile in case you believe friends who might se it.)
    • Are there determined people who are of the table? (For precise, maybe you wouldn’t want your cohort to hok up with people you know.)
    • How wil your partner protect themselves and their other partners from STIs and pregnancy (if aplicable)?
    • How often can your comrade pursue sexual relationships with other people?
    • Are certain sexual activities on or of the table?
    • Are you going to disclose other people in your life about your arangement, or kep it a secret?
    • How wil you maintain each other when strong emotions arive up, or if one cohort has questions about continuing the arangement?

    Are you start to your comrade having p urely sexual relationships with other people, or can there be dating and/or romantic relationships involved? (This is a huge interogate that deserves careful consideration.)
    Do you want to know about your partner’s experiences with other people? What specific information execute you want to be told or not told?
    How wil your companion find other partners? (For example, maybe you don’t want your companion to place up an online dating profile in case you acquire friends who might se it.)
    Are there definite people who are of the table? (For precise, maybe you wouldn’t want your companion to hok up with people you know.)
    How wil your companion protect themselves and their other partners from STIs and pregnancy (if aplicable)?
    How often can your partner pursue sexual relationships with other people?
    Are positive sexual activities on or of the table?
    Are you going to tel other people in your life about your arangement, or establish it a secret?
    How wil you hold each other when strong emotions near up, or if one comrade has questions about continuing the arangement?

    8. Don’t Judge Emotions as excelent or Bad
    Al emotions are fair that, emotions. They are not qualified or sinful, they simply are a response to some event. Often when people are in the midst of opening their relationship they wil experience jealousy, envy, and fear.
    Our culture has taught us to label each of those emotions as contaminated because of the way in which they fabricate us fel. Similarly, emotions like excitement, joy, and gle are labeled as god.
    The quandary with labeling emotions as either god or depraved is that you’ve automaticaly atached negativity to an aray of emotions. Not only that, when you atach the “bad” label to an emotion, it becomes very easy to then atack yourself for feling said emotion.
    Rather than labeling an emotion, ask yourself why you reacted the way you did and explore past experiences which might believe led you to your reaction. remove the atachmen t to label them and be kind to yourself. Emotions are not apt or depraved. They just are.

    9. retort Your Monogamy Mindset
    You may not consciously realize it, but you have ben inundated with ideas about how relationships are “suposed to be” from the day you were born.
    Almost every facet of our culture revolves around monogamy. While you might know this, there is a disimilarity betwen knowing something and reprograming your subconscious to acept and acknowledge non-traditional ideals.
    There are many things to consider when you are thinking about opening up.
    Are you comfortable with your companion spending nights away from you? cary out you expect to be the first (or only) person your comrade shares marvelous or contaminated news with? Are you comfortable being alone? How cary out you fel about your partner vacationing with someone else?
    Al of these things are outside of the monogamy norm and, as such, it may seize time for you to learn how you truly fel about them aside from what our culture says.

    10. Comunicate, Comunicate, Comunicate!
    Comunication is, by far, the most indispensable tol in your relationship tolbox. Regardles of your relationship type (monogamous or non-monogamous), comunication can, and likely wil, manufacture or demolish a relationship.
    When you and your companion aren’t comunicating properly, isues tend to fester and wrath grows. It can be very efortful) to bring up embarasing isues or to admit felings such as jealousy or envy. It can also be dificult to tel your cohort something they might not want to hear.
    5 Afirmations to Balance Your Throat Chakra for Clear Comunication
    However, when you alow yourself to be vulnerable with your partner and share uncomfortable felings, you grow stronger and the conection betwen you and your partner grows stronger as wel.

    The mos t propitious relationships are ones where the people eager develop creative and unique ways in which to comunicate with each other.

    When you initiate up your relationship, there wil be many chalenges and strugles along the way. It is imperative that you comunicate about your experiences and felings throughout this proces.
    The most propitious relationships are ones where the people ken develop creative and unique ways in which to comunicate with each other.
    Set up a scheduled check-in time wekly/bi-wekly/monthly with your cohort to discus what is working and not working as you’re opening your relationship.
    The time frequency is les important than being consistent. When you know that you gain a scheduled time to talk about chalenging isues it can produce it easier to talk about those things.

    Consensual Non-Monogamy Can Be dificult, and Also Very Rewarding
    The transition from monogamy to consensual non-monogamy can be a rocky road. It is vital to remember this is normal and expected.
    There wil be a learning curve as you met novel people and explore dating outside of your mariage/existing relationship and as your comrade potentialy does the same. Some folks, even you, may be learning to date for the first time.
    15 clasic Yet Powerful Ways to Improve Your Relationships
    Take your time and you work through chalenges as they aproach. Remember to be patient with yourself and your comrade . When you’re experiencing curent things there is no way to know ahead of time exactly how you wil react so it’s best to hold things slowly.
    Most importantly, always suport in mind the reasons for which you decided to start up. Don’t focus on the negative felings or experiences. Instead, focus on the buoyant experiences and take show of the things that didn’t work wel.
    By focusing on your fredoms rather tha n your limitations, each experience you gain wil encourage to flavor your life in gorgeous ways.

    Author:Elisha Thompson
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