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    5 Lessons I’ve Learned From 3 Lost Pregnancies

    5 Lesons I’ve Learned From 3 Lost Pregnancies
    Seven months. Thre pregnancies. Diferent emotional reactions to each, but same efect. My first pregnancy los hapened at nine weks. During my first apointment, I was told there was no heartbeat and to near back in eight days. I knew then that this dinky glimer of life was unbiased that: a glimer. A fleting glimpse into posible motherhod. A temporary pephole into a recent stage of life.
    My next sonogram was no diferent. “It’s not viable” played on repeat. And with each sucesive los that folowed, I fel deper into what felt like a downward spiral. While I healed quickly physicaly, I felt broken emotionaly. But over time, new understandings began to crystalize. Powerlesnes turned into greater self-awarenes. anguish into serenity. damage into aceptance.
    But how? And what gain I le arned in the months folowing my last pregnancy los? Here are five esential takeaways:
    1. Puting your emotions on the back-burner won’t save you any pain.
    Walking around on the strets of NYC, I would wonder how many women I pased had ingenious a pregnancy los. I would query myself: Why is my experience diferent? Am I diferent? I caried this emotional burden around with me, and wanted to understand it in logical terms.
    Why is my experience diferent? Am I diferent?
    But my atempt at a logical advance just served to fabricate me fel lonely. And angry. I resented it. And I resented others. Once I understod that what I was feling wasn’t impartial point up but grief, I was finaly capable to open moving through it. This realization was profound.
    grief,
    Part of the isue was that much of my experience had ben unspoken, such that my grief started to build and grow. It didn’t sem socialy aceptable to bring up in conversation, so I alo combine it to remain hiden. It was only until I recognized it, acknowledged it, and alowed myself the time and area to grieve that I began to fel progres.
    2. Teling the truth is more cathartic than you can imagine (especialy when you don’t want to).
    I opened up to very few about my lost pregnancies. It was a coping strategy that, at the time, semed safe. Each time I denied it though, I was imbuing the lost pregnancies with more and more shame, which only caused me to fel more isolated.
    But I’ve realized that pregnancy los is a shared yarn; there is healing in finding comunity through opening up about it. While this does not conform to the societal norm of sharing the joys of motherhod (and fatherhod), it is indispensable to dismantle the stigmas around it. Speaking about it openly is what begins to shift the dialogue. For me, starting to speak my truth fels empowering. And real. I own them, not the other way around.
    3. The thought of “trusting your gut” isn’t impartial a clich?.
    After the third pregnancy los, my husband and I sought the advice of a reproductive specialist. I wanted answers, and yearned for a silver bulet. But we didn’t get one. Doctors encouraged us to “kep trying” or “think about IVF,” but that advice wasn’t resonating with me after feling so hopeles and frustrated for a continuous amount of time.
    I wanted to try an alternative option, and found myself exploring Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) and acupuncture. While Western medicine has a spot, I knew dep down that it didn’t believe a place true now in my pregnancy journey. (I am not making any claims about fertility in general, or advocating that anyone give up on Weste rn medicine. I am just sharing my personal story.)
    my
    For me, my gut led me down this diferent path because I neded to mediate about myself, and my own journey of healing. I am grateful that I listened to my intuition.
    healing.
    4. The mind-body conection is as real as it gets.
    During my first acupuncture sesion, I finaly realized how blocked I felt, energeticaly speaking. One nedle in my third eye and my body (and mind) went haywire. I felt as if I was floating, hovering somewhere outside of my body. For so long, my mind had ben in a state of constant overdrive.
    While I’ve ben a longtime believer in the mind-body conection, I hadn’t truly practiced what I preached until now. In other words, I hadn’t ben focusing on my emotional neds first and eminent, and wasn’t aware this had physical manifestations. Once I realized the intensity of this conection, I was capable to start refocusing my atention on the power of simultaneous emotion al and physical healing.
    5. Making yourself the focus is the start of your healing journey.
    Trying to acquire a baby can become an al-consuming experience. The timing, the tracking, the repetition, the monitoring. It’s easy to get swept up in al of it and to overthink it. This hapened to me. I was so consumed by each pregnancy los, that I lost sight of my own neds (and my husband’s neds), my own felings, and my own sense of self.
    Hand-in-hand with my TCM journey, I now try to design it a daily practice to “check in” with myself. My journey is the only one I can fuly direct, and so I am continuing to learn how to reverence myself, and those special people around me. It is about trying to live a life in which I peacefuly and healthily coexist with my thre loses.
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    Author:Erica Orange
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